Total Drama Island
by Jbarb
Summary: 24 contestants from all walks of life have come to compete on Total Drama Island and win the grand prize of one million dollars. Watch Ed, Edd, Eddy, Courage, Fred Fredburger, Flapjack, Chowder, Peter Griffin, Mr. Blik, Waffle, and more of your favorite characters.
1. Pilot

Authors note: I do not own any of these characters. All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and FOX.

* * *

( We see a shot of a large island. We then cut to a dock near the shore. We then see a handsome man with red hair and pale skin walk in front of the camera. A name then appears below him revealing that his name is Tony Hill.)

Tony: Hello everyone and welcome to the inaugural episode of Total Drama Island! Heres how it works, we are going to have 24 contestants come all the way over here to Camp Wawanakwa where they will be residing in a set of filthy cabins located on the northern side of the island. (The camera then cuts to show a smelly looking cabin that is infested with roaches. The camera then cuts back to Tony.) All the contestants will receive three meals a day at the mess hall courtesy of Chef Eustace. (The camera cuts to the mess hall's kitchen where Chef Eustace is frying an unknown substance in a frying pan. The camera cuts back to Tony.) During their stay the campers will take part in a series of challenges and obstacles in order to win the grand prize of one million dollars. However, there can be only one winner. And with that being said, at the end of every challenge there will be one camper who leaves the island for good, but I'll explain that later. As for right now, let's meet the campers. (The camera focuses on a ship that arrives at the dock, the door to the ship opens and Ed, Edd, and Eddy all walk out.)

Edd: Oh my. This looks much more unsanitary than the in the brochure.

Eddy: Hey wait a minute, this isn't like the brochure at all. Where's all the palm trees, and the fifteen story luxury suite?

Tony: Oh, that. Well, you see, I kinda lied.

Ed: I love canoes.

Tony: Well, enough formalities, now get over there and wait for the other campers to arrive. (Tony then motions for them to go and stand on the other side of the dock while Eddy mumbles something under his breath. The camera then shows another ship arrive, this time the door opens to reveal Rolf.)

Rolf: You might as well hand over the money now, as Rolf will be victor of this competition.

Tony: Whoa, slow down there tiger, you still have to wait for the other campers.( Tony then motions for Rolf to go stand near the Eds.)

(Another boat arrives revealing Fred Fredburger.)

Fred Fredburger: Hi mister, my name's Fred Fredburger I can spell my name real good. F-R-E-D F-R-E-D-B-U-R-G-E-R, Fred Fredburger, yes.

Tony: Um, okay, so just go wait with the others.

(Another boat appears at the dock, this time revealing Kevin.)

Kevin: Aw man, I didn't know those dorks would be here. (Kevin points his finger at the Eds, causing Eddy's face to grow red with anger.)

Tony: Don't worry Kevin, you'll have plenty of time to wail on the Eds during the actual challenges, but right now we still need to meet the rest of the campers.(Kevin then reluctantly began to walk to the other side of the dock.)

(We then see a blue whale arrive at the dock. The whale opens its mouth to reveal Flapjack and K'nuckles.)

Flapjack: Wowee, this place looks like a big adventure just waiting to happen. Right K'nuckles?

K'nuckles: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so when do we get the free food?

Tony: In a minute, but right now I need you to go wait with the other campers.

(Another boat arrives this time revealing Jonny and Plank.)

Jonny: Plank says this place looks like a pig sty.

Tony: Well maybe Plank should keep his mouth shut and go wait with the rest of the campers.

(Another boat pulls up revealing Nazz.)

Nazz: Hey Tony, how's it go-, wait a minute, this place doesn't look at all like it did on the brochure.

Tony: Oh, um, well you know... Just go wait with the others.(Nazz walks over to the other side and the boys, with the exception of Rolf, start to blush.)

(Another boat arrives at the dock, revealing Brian Griffin and Stewie Griffin, and then a drunken Peter Griffin.)

Peter: I don't feel so good.

Brian: I am so sorry everybody there was booze on the boat and-

(Peter vomits on the deck.)

Campers: Ewww!

Stewie: Oh please, you all act like you've never seen vomit before.

(Peter then turns and vomits all over Stewie, causing the campers to start laughing.)

Kevin: Real smooth, dork!

Tony: Um, maybe you guys should head on down to the mess hall so Chef Eustace can try get a new set of clothes for you and so your buddy can sober up. (Tony then motioned for Brian and Stewie to escort a drunken Peter to the mess hall.)

(Another boat arrives, this time revealing Sarah and Jimmy. Jimmy notices the pile of vomit lying on the deck and faints, causing another round of laughter from the other campers.)

Eddy: Oh man, this is even better than cable.

Edd: I don't know, Eddy. It feels wrong of us to laugh at Jimmy's suffering.

Eddy: Yeah, yeah, but did you see the look on his face when he saw that vomit!

(Sarah walks up to Eddy and punches him square in the face sending him reeling backwards and falling into the water, causing yet another huge round of laughter from the other campers.)

(We then see Eddy resurface and swim back onto shore, his clothes were soaked and his face was red with rage.)

Tony: Okay Eddy, maybe you should go down to the mess hall as well and dry off.

(Another boat arrives to reveal Ren and Stimpy. Ren observes his surroundings and begins to grow angry.)

Ren: Hey, where is the swimming pool, and the all you can eat buffet, and hot tub, and the complimentary towels?

Stimpy: And the free butt scratchers!

Tony: Well, to make a long story short, I lied to you. Now go wait over-

Ren: Shut up you filthy swine, I am going to make you pay for lying to Ren Hoek!

(Ren charged at Tony, but Tony saw it coming and managed to sidestep the attack, causing Ren to run straight off the dock and fall into the water below, causing another round of laughter from everyone, especially from Tony. Ren resurfaced and swam to shore.)

Tony: Well Ren, I guess you should probably head on down to the mess hall and dry off too.

(Another boat arrives, this time revealing Courage.)

Courage: Oh man, this place looks terrible!

Tony: Well you get what you pay for.

Courage: But I didn't pay for anything.

Tony: Exactly.

(Another boat arrives revealing Waffle, Gordon, and Mr. Blik.)

Gordon: Aye lads, I think we may be on the wrong island, I don't see any palm trees.

Waffle: Maybe their all hiding somewhere.

(Gordon and Mr. Blik both face palmed.)

Tony: Actually, you are on the right island, now go wait with the others.

(Another boat arrives revealing Chowder and Mung Daal.)

Mung: Are we on the right island?

Tony: Of course you are, now go wait with the others.

(All the campers now stood on the dock, with the exception of Ren, Eddy, Stewie, Brian, and Peter, who were all in the mess hall.)

Tony: Alright, well it looks like that's everybody. I guess now I can give you the grand tour of the place.

(Tony then leads the campers over the towards the cabins.)

Tony: These are the cabins you will be staying in during your time here.

(Tony then points to the mess hall which is located at the center of the camp.)

Tony: And this is the mess hall where you will be served breakfast, lunch, and dinner courtesy of Chef Eustace. And speaking of the mess hall, let's see how the other campers are holding up.

(The camera then cuts to the inside of the mess hall where Ren and Eddy are both wrapped in towels and Peter is laying in a drunken heap on the floor. Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie, who changed into a new set of clothes, were busy talking at another table.)

Stewie: I think we should form an alliance, Brian.

Brian: You and me form an alliance?

Stewie: But of course, Brian. Don't you see, no one would ever suspect that a dog and a baby would ever be up to something like this. We could be unstoppable. We would wipe the floor with the fat man and the rest of those bumbling imbeciles.

Brian: Maybe your right, ok Stewie, I'll form an alliance with you.

Stewie: Excellent, now let us return to the other campers before they suspect something's up.

(Meanwhile, over in the boys cabin, the boys began unpacking their things.)

Ed: I call top bunk!

Mr. Blik: Yeah, and I call the bunk that's not infested with roaches. (Mr. Blik then goes to one of the beds and pulls the covers off revealing several cockroaches.

Flapjack: Oh that's nothing, you should see the bugs that we have up in Stormalong. There about as big as my face.

Chowder: Hey, you should see the ones in Mung's kitchen, they're big and slimy and wrinkly and-

Mung: Okay Chowder I think that's enough details.

(We then hear Tony's voice on a megaphone.)

Tony: Attention all campers, meet me at the flag pole in 5 minutes.

(5 minutes later all the campers have shown up at the flag pole.)

Tony: Okay, now the reason I've called you here is because you will now be joining a team. There are two teams, and whichever team you're on is the one you will stick with until I say so, which will probably be a while, so you better learn to work with your team fluently and coherently. Now, when I call your name I will direct you to either the left side or the right side and that is where the rest of your team will end up as well. Now let's get started, Ed, Edd, and Eddy please go to the left side. Gordon and Mr. Blik please go to the right side. Peter, Brian, and Stewie please go to the right side. Waffle, please go to the left side. Nazz, please go to the left side. Kevin, please go to the right side. Jonny and Plank, please go to the right side. Chowder and Mung, please go to the left. Flapjack and K'nuckles, please go to the left. Rolf, please go to the left. Courage please go to the left. Fred Fredburger please go to the left, and as for the rest of you, just go to the right. Now for your team names. For those of you on the left side your team name is the Killer Bass.

(Several members of the Killer Bass cheer.)

Tony: And over on the right side, your team name will be the Toxic Rats!

(Several members of the Toxic Rats cheer.)

Tony: And for those of you watching at home who are still a little unclear on whose on which team, here's a little reminder.

(A screen pops up showing the names of all the campers and what team they're on.)

Killer Bass

Ed

Eddy

Edd

Rolf

Nazz

Mung

Chowder

Flapjack

K'nuckles

Waffle

Courage

Fred Fredburger

Toxic Rats

Jimmy

Sarah

Kevin

Peter

Stewie

Brian

Jonny

Plank

Gordon

Mr. Blik

Ren

Stimpy

(The screen then goes away.)

Tony: Alright, now before I introduce you to your first challenge, I need so show you something else first.

(Tony directs the campers towards a trashy old outhouse next to the cabins.)

Tony: This is the confessional, where you may come at any time and share your feelings to our nationwide TV audience.

**Ed: Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy, I'm so happy I got to be on the same team as Eddy and Double D!**

**Ren: Hey, what the heck are you staring at!? I just came in here to do my business, leave me alllooonnneee! (Ren punches the camera.)**

**Stewie: Ah, this is too easy, these campers are even dumber than I thought, once I have Brian under my control there is no way I can lose!**

**Eddy: This competition is in the bag. I've already formed an alliance with Ed and Double D. Once I win I'll be able to afford a truckload of jawbreakers! (Eddy's eyes then turn into dollar signs as he begins to drool.)**

Tony: Anyway, I will now present to you your first challenge. Seeing as how this is your first challenge I have decided to go easy on you. Which is why I will be giving you the very simple task of running a 50 yard relay race. There will be three people from each team competing in said race. The winning team shall receive a five star meal and get to relax in a luxury hot tub near my place.

(Campers begin cheering.)

Tony: And... There is no catch to it at all.

(All the campers let out a sigh of relief.)

Tony: The race will be held tomorrow at noon. Until them you will need to discuss with your teammates about who will be competing and who won't. See ya tomorrow campers.

**Kevin: This challenge is in the bag. Heck, I'm probably the best runner out of all these guys.**

**Rolf: Rolf is amused by this challenge as Rolf was the fastest son of a gun within a hundred miles back in his home country.**

* * *

Tony: Who will be the first team to claim victory, The Killer Bass or The Toxic Rats?

Find out next time on another episode of Total... Drama... Island!


	2. Not so happy campers

Tony: Last time on total drama island, we met the campers who will be staying here and we learned what their first challenge would be. Will the teams be able to coexist with one another? Who will be victorious? And who will be the first person voted off? Find out on this episode of Total... Drama... Island!

* * *

(We see the campers having breakfast in the mess hall. Everyone is sitting with their teammates.)

Eddy:(In a hushed tone.) Okay, so we're agreed, it'll be Rolf, Flapjack, and Ed.

Ed: Ah gee, I don't know, guys, I'm not very fast.

Edd: Don't worry, Ed. I have a foolproof plan to ensure our victory.

Eddy: What is it, sock head?

Edd: Oh don't worry, Eddy, you'll see.

Ed: Oh boy, I like surprises.

(Meanwhile, at another table over, the Toxic Rats still couldn't make a decision.)

Mr. Blik: I think Brian should do it, after all, dogs are naturally fast.

Brian: Hey that is a racial stereotype, not all dogs are fast.

Kevin: Yeah well the race is in two hours and we still need two more runners to volunteer.

Gordon: Aye, I guess I can volunteer.

Kevin: Good, now we just need one more person. But who? (Kevin looks around his table at all of his fellow teammates, Brian is reading a book, Peter had a very painful hangover from yesterday, Jimmy and Sarah were chatting amongst themselves, Jonny was helping Plank chew his food, Stimpy was picking his nose, and Ren was looking on in disgust.) Okay look, we need one more volunteer to run in the relay race, if we don't, we forfeit, and that means one of us will be voted off! (The campers look at each other.) I said we need a volunteer! (Kevin slams his fist down on the table, causing some of the campers to exchange worried looks.)

Jonny: Plank wants to-

Kevin: Uh, we need someone besides Plank, Jonny. (Kevin looks worriedly over at the Killer Bass, who seem to have everything figured out, as they were eating their breakfast peacefully.) Alright look, if one of you doesn't volunteer in the next 5 seconds I'm gonna come over there and-

Ren: This guy will do it! (Ren holds up Stimpy.)

Stimpy: Uh, okay, I guess.

Kevin: Ok great so it'll be me, Gordon, and Stimpy.

**Kevin: I gotta say, I'm not liking our chances so far. I mean, Gordon and Stimpy don't exactly look like the fastest people on the planet.**

**Gordon: Aye, I really don't want to do this, but I suppose I should take one for the team.**

* * *

12:00 PM

(All the campers have gathered around a track near the Eastern side of the island.)

Tony: Attention campers, it is now time for the 50 yard relay race. The rules are simple, there will be three competitors per team, only one competitor is allowed on the track at a time, the first team to have all three competitors cross the finish line is the winner. And here are our competitors. For the Killer Bass, our starter is Rolf, bringing up the middle, is Flapjack, and bringing up the rear is Ed. And for the Toxic Rats, our starter will be Kevin, our middle man will be Gordon, and Stimpy will be bringing up the rear. Now, during this race there will be no tripping and no shoving, I want a good, clean race. Now racers,

on your mark!

(Kevin and Rolf both get in ready positions.)

Get set!

(Several campers begin to get anxious.)

Go!

(Kevin and Rolf both take off running at full speed and Rolf actually manages to get about three feet ahead of Kevin as they begin to rush torwards Gordon and Flapjack, who have both gotten in ready positions. Rolf reaches Flapjack first and tags him on the back, allowing Flapjack to take off running. A mere two seconds later, Kevin reaches Gordon and tags him, and the campers look on in surprise as Gordon manages to catch up to Flapjack, who was a couple of feet ahead of him and they are quickly engaged in a neck and neck struggle as they near the last two runners, Ed and Stimpy. Gordon and Flapjack both reach Ed and Stimpy at the same time, and Ed just stands there stupidly while Stimpy takes off and gets a quick 10 feet advantage over Ed.

Eddy: C'mon Ed, move it! (Ed looks over.)

Ed: Hi Eddy! (Eddy facepalms.)

Eddy: Ed, start running or you'll lose the race!

Ed: Oh, okay Eddy! (Ed starts running down the track, unfortunately, Stimpy is only 10 feet away from the finish line. Edd walks over to the finish line and holds up a piece of buttered toast.

Edd: Oh, Ed! (Ed notices the buttered toast.)

Ed: Buttered toast! (Ed takes off down the track at speeds thought impossible and he quickly passes Stimpy, who loses his balance and does a faceplant while Ed zooms to the finish line in a matter of seconds. Ed quickly crashed into Edd and ate the buttered toast in one bite.)

Tony: The Killer Bass have claimed victory!

Rolf: Very good, edboy!

Nazz: Wow, that was rad dude.

Eddy: Way to go, Lumpy!

Flapjack: Woohoo!

Waffle: Splee!

Fred Fredburger: Yes!

(Tony then turns torward the Toxic Rats.)

Tony: And as for you, I am deeply ashamed. And it pains me to inform you that by the end of today one of you will be leaving this island. You all have 2 hours to cast your votes for you think should be voted off the island. After that 2 hours is over I want all of you to meet me by the campfire.

(All of the campers gulp.)

* * *

(In the mess hall, the Killer Bass are enjoying a five star meal.)

Edd: Attention please! (The Killer Bass all turn to Edd.) I'd like to propose a toast, to the man who won us the race, Ed!

(The Killer Bass all start cheering for Ed.)

Ed: Ah it was nothing.

(Meanwhile, on the other side of the mess hall, the Toxic Rats were sitting angrily at their table.)

Mr. Blik: Ugh, I hate losing, especially when its someone else's fault.

Kevin: Grrrr, if it wasn't for that stupid cat we would be eating prime ribs right now. (Kevin glares angrily at Stimpy.)

Ren: (Ren slaps Stimpy.) You stupid idiot, why couldn't you run faster!

Gordon: Well let's not be too hard on him, after all, he tried his best, besides, I don't anybody at this table could have done any better.

Kevin: So, Ed just stood there for half the time, Stimpy could have easily made it to the finish line before him.

Gordon: I seem to recall you having some trouble with Rolf as well.

Kevin: Well, yeah, but, I...

Gordon: Exactly.

**Gordon: I don't know who I'm gonna vote for, although I might have an idea.**

**Kevin: I don't care what that stupid furball says, I'm still voting for that moron Stimpy.**

**Ren: That bloated idiot is outta here!**

**Brian: Maybe it's just my personal hatred of cats but I think I know who I'm gonna vote for.**

* * *

2 hours later at campfire.

(Tony is seen holding a tray of 11 marshmallows.)

Tony: Well, the time has come to see who will be the first camper to be voted off the island. As you can see I hold a tray of 11 marshmallows in my hand, but there are only 12 of you. So, when I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow, the one who does not receive a marshmallow will have to walk to the dock of shame, board the boat of losers, and leave the island, and you can never come back, ever!

So, let's get this ceremony started!

Mr. Blik

Mr. Blik: Yeah baby, first one!

**Mr Blik: Ya know, its not always about winning, its about beating the other losers!**

Tony: Jimmy

Sarah

Ren

Plank

Jonny

Peter

Brian

Stewie

...

...

...

Gordon

Gordon: Aha!

**Gordon: Phew, that was a close one, I was almost out there, but I'm still in this.**

Tony: And now we are down to our final two campers. (Tony stares at Kevin and Stimpy.)

And the last marshmallow goes toooo...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

(Stimpy looks nervous.)

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

(Kevin knuckles turn white as he balls them up intensely.)

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Kevin.

(Kevin lets out a sigh of relief.)

Kevin: See ya later, dork.

Stimpy: But, but, but, but-

Tony: No butts, now get your butt down to the boat of losers, pronto.

(Stimpy takes a long and sad walk to the boat of losers while sad music plays. Stimpy reluctantly gets on the boat and looks at the other campers sadly, then boat pulls away.)

Tony: Well, it looks like Stimpy was our first camper to be eliminated. The rest of you, go on back to your cabins. Better get some sleep, trust me, you'll need it for your next challenge.

Mr. Blik: Whaddya mean we'll need it?

Tony: Oh nothing.

**Kevin: One dork down, 22 more to go.**

**Gordon: I must say I want to win and all but I can't help but feel sorry for Stimpy, after all, it was just a wee slip up, it happens to the best of us.**

**Ren: (In a creepy tone.) Do I feel sorry for my best pal Stimpy, hmmmmmmm, do I feel sorry for him, hmmmm, let me think, hmmmmm. (His tone abruptly turns into psychotic rage.) No, I don't feel sorry for him! Not one little bit! Do you here what I'm saying! (Ren grabs the camera and throws it against the wall.)**

**Brian: Hey, that guy was a cat, do you really expect me to feel sorry for the jackass?**

**Stewie: Excellent, I am now one step closer to victory!**

* * *

****Tony: Will the Toxic Rats be able to make a comeback in our next challenge?

Find out next time on Total... Drama... Island!


	3. Awake-a-Thon

(Tony walks onscreen.)

Tony: Last time on total drama island. The campers competed in their very first challenge, a fifty yard relay race. In the end, the Killer Bass came up victorious. Meanwhile, at the first campfire ceremony, Stimpy would become the first contestant to be eliminated on Total Drama Island. But now the campers will be faced with a challenge that is far greater than any obstacle course. And it all happens right hear on Total...Drama...Island!

* * *

( The campers are all standing outside their cabins, Tony standing in front of them.)

Tony: All right listen up you maggots, I want you all to give me fifty laps around the camp, and when your done with that I want fifty push-ups. NO EXCEPTIONS! Now get moving!

(The campers begin jogging around the camp, with Rolf and Kevin leading the pack while Jimmy and Peter struggle to keep up. Tony pulls up on a scooter beside Peter.)

Tony: Let's go fat boy, your at the back of the pack!

Peter: Hey shut up, I'll have you know I'm in peak physical condition!

(Peter begins sweating profusely as he continues to fall behind.)

Jimmy: Oh the agony.

(Peter then collapses on Jimmy due to heat exhaustion, covering Jimmy in a pool of sweat.)

Jimmy: EWWW! Sarah, HELLPP!

* * *

(Several minutes later, Rolf and Kevin have already lapped most of the campers, and were now on the final lap.)

Tony: C'mon ladies, get the anchors out of your pants and get a move on!

(Kevin and Rolf finish and begin doing pushups, followed by several other campers.)

Tony: Well, I see we still have some stragglers left behind.

( Peter, Jimmy, and Double D are the only ones still running.)

Edd: Oh dear, I think I have a stomach cramp.

Jimmy: My clothes are still covered in that clumsy oaf's sweat, oh the agony.

Peter: Oh yeah, you like to make fun of other people's body odors, well let's see if we can fix that. ( Peter takes off his shirt, which is drenched in sweat, and begins to repeatedly flick Jimmy with it.)

Jimmy: Sarah, help!

Sarah: Hey, leave Jimmy alone you big ape!

**Sarah: I hate it when big stupid idiots screw things up for me and Jimmy!**

( Sarah walks up behind Peter and gives him a monster wedgie.)

Peter: Hey what the he-

( Sarah kicks him hard in the shin, causing Peter to fall on the ground in agony.)

Peter: Ahhh, (Inhales), Ahhh, (Inhales), Ahhhh.

(15 minutes later)

(Tony is leading the campers to the mess hall.)

Tony: Alright campers, now it is time for dinner! (Tony opens the doors to the mess hall to reveal a large buffet of deliciously appetizing food. The campers begin drooling instantaneously.)

**Ed: I was so happy because they had buttered toast and seven different types of gravy!**

**Eddy: They had a huge turkey and for dessert... Jawbreakers!**

**Edd: They had a wide assortment of fruits and vegetables, a very nutritional banquet.**

**Fred Fredburger: They had nachos and frozen yogurt... Yes.**

(We then cut to after the campers are done eating. Many of them are groaning from the rather large intake of food.)

Flapjack: I think I had too much candy.

(Brian is in the corner vomiting.)

Brian: I think I had too many drinks.

**Brian: They had a minibar... It's a long story.**

Tony: Well I see our little piggies had a nice time in the troff. But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut this thing short so we can get your next challenge underway.

Campers: Challenge!?

Tony: Yep, that's right, your next challenge.

Kevin: But I thought all that running we did was the challenge.

Tony: Nope, that would've been too easy. Today you will be taking part in the Awake-a-Thon!

Edd: What's that?

Tony: Its where we see which one of you can go the longest without falling asleep. Whoever goes the longest without falling asleep is the winner, along with the rest of their team.

Edd: So you made us perform these acts of physical exhaustion and then proceeded to trick us into engorging ourselves with food all in an attempt to make us more susceptible to want to go to sleep.

Tony: Pretty much.

Edd: That was very clever.

Tony: Alright, enough chit chat, get your butts in gear and make your way to the campfire so we can get this party started.

* * *

(The campers have all gathered around the campfire. Tony uses a blowhorn to signal the beginning of the competition.)

Tony: Let the Awake-a-Thon begin!

(Eddy and and Ed huddle next to Edd.)

Eddy:(Whispers) Hey sockhead, how long do you think it'll be before everyone falls asleep?

Edd: Well, given the amount of physical exertion and the amount of food intake, I'd say a couple of hours... maybe less.

(Meanwhile, over in the bushes, Brian and Stewie are conversing.)

Stewie: Alright, now let us see who shall be eliminated, judging by the physical and mental abilities of all the other campers, I think we should go for-

Brian: I think we should eliminate one of the cats.

Stewie: What?

Brian: Well, I just thought that you know, screw those damn cats.

Stewie: So let me set this straight, you want to-

Brian: Eliminate the cats first and worry about the other campers later.

Stewie: That's idiotic, Brian! I have taken pages and pages of notes detailing all of the campers strengths and weaknesses and they can clearly show that the cats are the least of our worries.

Brian: Hmm, so you say you've got a notebook that details all of the campers abilities and weaknesses.

Stewie: Damn right.

Brian: Mind if I have a look.

Stewie: Very well then. (Stewie takes out a notebook and shows Brian its contents, which contained the following.)

**Strengths and Weaknesses**

**Ed  
**

**Strength: Superhuman strength and can be fast if necessary.**

**Weakness: Incredibly gullible and stupid.**

**Eddy  
**

**Strength: Can be crafty at times.**

**Weaknesses: Very greedy and ego maniacal.**

**Edd**

**Strength: Extremely intelligent.**

**Weaknesses: Weak and out of shape.**

**Fred Fredburger**

**Strength: Unknown**

**Weakness: Stupid**

**Ren**

**Strength: Has a devious mind**

**Weakness: Acts insanely psychotic.**

**Sarah  
**

**Strength: Very strong for her age.**

**Weakness: Anger issues.**

**Nazz  
**

**Strength: Good looks and charm**

**Weakness: Dumb blonde.**

**Peter Griffin  
**

**Strength: Is a skilled fighter, having fought in many battles with Ernie the Giant Chicken.**

**Weakness: Stupid and gullible.**

**Jimmy**

**Strength: clever and cunning**

**Weakness: Scrawny and wimpy. Possibly homosexual.**

**Chowder**

**Strength: Can eat anything. Has a wide assortment of kitchen utensils he can use to assist him in any given situation.**

**Weakness: gullible, stupid, and morbidly obese.**

**Jonny**

**Strength: Unknown.**

**Weaknesses: Emotionally attached to his imaginary friend, Plank.**

**Plank**

**Strength: Unknown**

**Weaknesses: Water, fire, and termites.**

**Rolf**

**Strength: very strong, fast, and agile. He is also more than capable of performing hard labor if necessary. He is also a keen hunter, tracker, and fisherman.**

**Weaknesses: Unknown.**

**Kevin**

**Strength: Fast and strong. Very coordinated and good at a wide variety of sports and a semi-skilled engineer, having added attachments to his bike and fixing it over the years.**

**Weaknesses: He is a hothead with a short temper.**

**Flapjack**

**Strength: Unknown.**

**Weaknesses: Is extremely naive.**

**Captain K'nuckles**

**Strength: Unknown.**

**Weaknesses: Is addicted to any type of candy imaginable.**

**Mung Daal**

**Strength: He is a very knowledgeable chef who has years of experience under his belt. He is also a self proclaimed "ladies man".**

**Weaknesses: He lacks any kind of physical strength.**

**Waffle**

**Strength: Can use his tail as a propeller in order to fly. Can use his pet newts to assist him in a situation.**

**Weaknesses: Very gullible and stupid.**

**Mr. Blik**

**Strength: cunning and crafty.**

**Weaknesses: Greedy and arrogant.**

**Gordon**

**Strength: Kind and compassionate.**

**Weaknesses: His trust in others can lead to his downfall.**

**Courage**

**Strength: Undying determination.**

**Weaknesses: Scared of almost everything.**

Brian: Stewie, how did you get all this information?

Stewie: Oh you know, I went through a couple of diaries, a couple of personal belongings, the usual stuff.

Brian: Stewie, that's stalking and... Wait a minute, how come you didn't write my strengths and weaknesses down?

Stewie: Because I've known you for years, Brian, I already knew your strengths and weaknesses going into this thing.

Brian: Hey how could you have known me for years if your only a year old?

Stewie: Oh, well, um, you see, uhhh... uh I think it's time for a commercial break.

* * *

( 2 hours into the contest, Peter, Fred Fredburger, Jonny, Plank, and Jimmy have already fallen asleep.)

**Eddy: These saps don't stand a chance, I'm the king of staying up late!**

**Edd: I must say, all that food is making me feel very tired right about now. (yawns)**

Tony: Five down, sixteen more to go.

(5 hours later only five campers remain, Courage, Eddy, Rolf, Ren and Gordon.)

Tony: Well, well, well, looks like we are down to the final five and boy do I have a surprise for you.

Eddy:(yawning) What?

Tony: I'm going to read you a bedtime story!

(All the campers groan, and a few seconds later Courage falls to the ground, sleeping like a baby.)

(Tony opens a book entitled "The Little Lamb".)

Tony: Bah, says the lamb, the lamb says bah.

(Gordon and Ren both hit the floor fast asleep, leaving only two competitors, Rolf and Eddy.)

Tony: And now, at last we've reached our final two. And it only took seven hours and twenty minutes.

Eddy: Hey, how did you stay up this whole time.

Tony: Why, caffeine, of course. Not to mention a cup of joe here and there.

Rolf: You might as well forfeit now, ed boy, as Rolf can go days without slumber.

Eddy: We'll just see about that, Rolfy boy.

Rolf: You dare taunt the son of a shepherd. You will pay for this, vertically challenged ed boy, for Rolf will- zzzzzzzzzz.

(Rolf falls asleep in mid sentence.)

Tony: Well, it looks like we have a winner, although it technically didn't matter whether you or Rolf won considering how your both on the same team but hey, who gives a care.

Eddy:Ha, eat it Kevin!

* * *

(Kevin punches the wall of the cabin as he sits angrily on his bed.)

Kevin: I don't believe this. We've lost twice in a row now, if this keeps up any longer, someone's gonna get it!

Peter: Hey cool it pal it could've turned out worse.

Kevin: Oh shut up fatass. Ever since you've gotten here you've been nothing but a liability to our team. You were the first person to fall asleep!

Peter: Hey I had one too many drinks at the minibar and I had a headache, I had to lay down.

Kevin: Great, this makes the second time you've gotten drunk on this island. Bang up job dip shit.

Peter: Hey they put up that minibar for a reason.

Kevin: Yeah, so fat slobs like you could go get wasted and then blow off another challenge, while your at it why don't you just-

(Peter punches Kevin in the face and proceeds to knee him in the gut. Luckily, Gordon and Brian came in and broke up the fight, although it was more of a one sided beatdown, seeing as Kevin basically got his ass handed to him.)

Gordon: Okay lads, just calm down.

(Kevin gets up off the ground and charges at Peter, only for Peter to knee him in the face.)

Peter: Your my bitch now! (Peter breaks free from Gordon and Brian and jumps on top of Kevin, unleashing a flurry of punches, and then closing out with a loud headbutt.)

Brian: Peter your making a fool out of yourself!

Peter: Well he started it!

* * *

(Gordon is talking to all the members of the Toxic Rats, except for Kevin and Peter. Kevin is in the mess hall getting stitches and Peter is in the confessional.)

Gordon: And that's why one of them has got to go.

Sarah: I say we all vote for that fat slob who covered Jimmy in sweat.

Jimmy: You tell em, girlfriend!

Mr. Blik: Yeah, fat boy needs to go!

Jonny: Plank says that Peter is the reason we've lost all our challenges so far.

Gordon: Well, I don't he cost us any victories, but I will say he is a liability nonetheless.

Mr. Blik: Alright then, so we're agreed, we're all voting for Peter.

Toxic Rats: Right.

(Peter exits the confessional.)

Peter: Hey what did I miss, are we having a meeting or something?

Toxic Rats: Uh, no.

Peter: Oh, okay.

* * *

(The Toxic Rats are all huddled around a campfire. Tony appears holding a tray of 10 marshmallows.)

Tony: So its come to this, another unfortunate loss for the Toxic Rats, a crying shame. On this tray I have ten marshmallows, but alas, there's eleven campers. That means one of you will be leaving this island tonight. When I call your name please come and get your marshmallow.

Jonny.

Plank.

Stewie.

Brian.

Mr. Blik.

Ren.

Jimmy.

Sarah.

Gordon.

(Kevin and Peter are the last two.)

Tony: Who will get the axe, the flame headed jock or the lovable oaf.

...

...

...

...

(Closeup of Peter with a hopeful look on his face.)

...

...

...

...

( Closeup of Kevin with an angry look on his face.)

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Kevin.

Kevin: (Kevin walks up and gets his marshmallow, he then walks over to Peter and chews the marshmallow mockingly in his face, causing Peter to punch him in the gut and then spin around and deliver a roundhouse kick. Peter then turns to the camera.)

Peter: Roadhouse.

(Peter thens boards the boat of losers while the campers look on in shock, surprised at what just transpired.)

Mr. Blik: Who would've thought that such a fat man could be so athletic.

* * *

Tony: Will the Toxic ever gain a victory, will the Killer Bass ever taste defeat.

Find out next time on Total... Drama... Island!


	4. Dodgeball

(Tony walks onscreen.)

Tony: Last time on Total Drama Island, the campers took part in the Awake-A-Thon. In the end, it was Eddy who came out victorious for the Killer Bass. And sadly, the lovable oaf Peter Griffin became the second camper to be eliminated. Who will be eliminated next? What will the next challenge be? Will the Toxic Rats ever make a comeback? Find out now on Total... Drama... Island!

* * *

(The campers are all in the mess hall eating breakfast. The camera pans over to Stewie and Brian who eating next to each other.)

Stewie: Alright Brian, that's two down, twenty more to go! (Stewie takes out his notebook and crosses out Peter's name on the list.)

Brian: Yeah, now all we have to do is win a challenge.

Stewie: Patience, Brian. As long as we ensure our own safety then it doesn't matter who wins or loses. We just need to keep a low profile and stay under the radar for now.

(Meanwhile, Eddy has fallen asleep at his table.)

Rolf: Rolfs tendons grow weary from the previous exertion, yes.

Edd: You and Eddy both made a commendable effort, Rolf.

(Tony's voice is heard on a loudspeaker.)

Tony: Attention campers, as soon as you've finished your breakfast please report to the West side of the island for your next challenge.

(twenty minutes later all the campers are standing out side of a big rectangular dome. A dodgeball court is located inside.)

Tony: As you may have already guessed, today your challenge is to play against your opposing team in a five round game of dodgeball. The first team to win three rounds will be declared the winner. Now, let me explain the rules:

1. Only five campers from each team are allowed to compete in each round. The other campers must sit on the bleachers and watch.

2. In order to win a round you must grab the shiny red balls in the center of the court and throw them at your enemies in order to eliminate them.

3. If you throw a ball at someone and the person you threw it at catches it, then you will automatically be out.

4. If you have a ball in your hands you can use it to deflect an oncoming ball.

5. You may not cross the line in the center of the court. If you do then your automatically out.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let the games begin!

Round 1 starts off with Stewie, Brian, Ren, Kevin, and Gordon of the Toxic Rats facing off against Ed, Edd, Flapjack, Chowder, and Mung of the Killer Bass.

(Tony blows a whistle.)

Tony: Alright, get your butts in gear!

Ed: Take me to your leader! (Ed runs toward the center of the court but instead of grabbing a dodgeball he stupidly runs past the centerline and crashes into Stewie.)

Stewie: What the deuce!?

Tony: Ed you are eliminated due to crossing the line.

Kevin: (Laughs) Nice going, dork.

Ed: Dork?

Kevin: Haha-Ow! (Kevin is struck in the face by a dodgeball thrown by Flapjack, who used the distraction to his advantage.)

Tony: Kevin, you are outta here!

(Chowder and Mung make a break for the centerline, hoping to get their hands on a dodgeball, but Gordon and Brian manage to get there first and launch a trio of dodgeballs at them. Mung manages to do a Matrix parody and successfully dodge one of the balls, but another strikes him in the groin, knocking him flat. Chowder dives to the side and barely manages to dodge the other ball. Unfortunately, Ren grabs a ball and aims it directly at a fallen Chowder. But before he has time to throw it he is nailed in the face by a dodgeball courtesy of Flapjack.)

Tony: Mung and Ren, your out!

(Meanwhile, Edd is hiding in the corner, cowering in fear.)

Edd: Oh dear, I can't bare to watch.

**Edd: I've had a phobia of playing dodgeball ever since the dodgeball incident back in third grade. (Gulp)**

(Stewie gets back to his feet from being tackled by Ed and does a somersault in order to avoid being hit by a dodgeball from Flapjack.)

**Kevin:Man, for a baby, he's pretty athletic.**

**Rolf: Rolf is amazed that a youngster like him could perform such daring feats of athleticism.**

**Brian: Eh, I've seen Stewie do things a lot more impressive than that.**

**Ed: (Laughs) Little man knows how to boogie. (Laughs stupidly)**

**Chowder: Wow, I had no idea Flapjack was so good at dodgeball. I wonder if he could give me lessons.**

**Mung: (Mung has a huge ice pack on his groin.) That... Was... Awful!**

(Stewie dodges several more dodgeballs and attempts to throw one at Flapjack, but he catches it.)

Tony: Stewie's out! It's now down to Flapjack, Chowder, and Edd... Huh, I barely even noticed Edd was here on account of him hiding in the corner and not really contributing to the team. And it would seem Brian and Gordon are all thats left of the Toxic Rats.

**Brian: Of all the people that I could've been stuck with, why did it have to be a cat?**

(Flapjack launches two balls in Gordon and Brian's direction. Brian, not exactly being the most athletic dog in the world, had a hard time trying to dodge and was struck on his hind leg.)

Brian: Oh ****

**Brian: Okay so what if I cursed on national television. I was in a lot of pain, okay.**

Tony: (giggles) Brian is out!

(Brian limps off the court while Chowder and Flapjack regroup for another inevitable attack. Gordon gulps and grabs a nearby dodgeball and he quickly spots an easy target. At the edge of the court, hiding underneath his hat, was Edd. He sized up his opponent before taking aim. Edd's head poked out from under his hat and saw what was going on.)

Edd: No, wait, please don't- (Edd is struck dead in the chest by a dodgeball from Gordon. Edd grasps his chest and falls to his knees, in a display of over exaggerated anguish, fell to the hard polished floor in a heap of drama.

Edd: Oh, the humanity!

Tony: Hey drama queen, give it a break, will ya, I just had those floors waxed!

(The campers all begin laughing, even Chowder and Flapjack give out a slight chuckle, but that distraction was all Gordon needed in order to grab two dodgeballs and desperately heave them towards the two. Luckily, Flapjack saw it coming out of the corner of his eye and barely ducked his head in time to watch as it whizzed over his head and bounced harmlessly off the floor. But Chowder was not so lucky, as the other ball struck him hard in the chest, causing him to fall over with a thud.

Tony: Chowder's out, and now we're down to Flapjack vs Gordon, who will be-

(Before Tony can finish his sentence Flapjack dives down and scoops up a dodgeball and, putting as much muscle into it as he can, lobs it at Gordon. The ball comes at him so fast that Gordon barely has time to blink before he is hit.)

Tony: Um, victorious. You know guys, the least you could've done was drag out the fight a little bit longer so that I don't know, maybe I could finish my sentence. And plus, it's good for ratings. And it looks like the Killer Bass has won round 1.

(The Killer Bass storm the court and lift Flapjack onto their shoulders.)

Nazz: You were great out there, dude.

Chowder: Yeah, you were amazing!

Flapjack: Gee, thanks, guys. (Flapjack blushes while Tony looks on with a rather unamused look on his face.)

Tony: I wouldn't get too excited just yet, you've still got to win two more rounds in order for your team to claim invincibility you know.

Chowder: As long as we've got Flapjack, it'll be a piece of cake.

Flapjack: Gee, I don't know if I'm that good.

**Flapjack: I'm glad that everybody likes me but to be honest all I really did was throw a couple of balls, there isn't much skill that's required.**

**K'nuckles: Oh, I hope you guys know that I'm the one who taught him that. I'm his captain, y'know. (He then takes out a bottle of maple syrup and starts chugging it.) Ah, that hits the spot.**

Round 2 begins with Flapjack, Chowder, K'nuckles, Waffle, and Nazz representing the Killer Bass and Gordon, Jonny, Stewie and Brian all make their way onto the court. Kevin is about to join them but Tony blows his whistle.

Tony: It appears that the Toxic Rats have too many players on the court.

Kevin: What are you talking about? Gordon, Stewie, Brian, Jonny and me makes five.

Tony: But aren't you forgetting about Plank? (Tony points to Plank, who is being cradled by Jonny.)

Kevin: You can't be serious.

Tony: Although he is technically just a board, he did submit his own audition tape and therefore the board of directors informed me that he is indeed a camper and that he will be competing in this round.

Kevin: Jonny, you have got to tell Plank to dropout of this round so I can compete.

Jonny: Sorry Kevin, but Plank says he has more knowledge of dodgeball in his little splinters than you do in your whole body.

Kevin: Well maybe you should tell Plank to take one of his splinters and shove it down his wooden mouth!

Tony: Kevin, if you do not exit the dodgeball court within the next five seconds then I will be forced to call security.

Kevin: Shut up, Tony. You and I both know that Plank is an inanimate object.

Jonny: How could say something like that, you big meanie!

(Tony takes out a walky talky and starts talking into it.)

Tony: Security!

(Chef Eustace arrives in a security guard outfit and drags Kevin off the court.)

Kevin: Hey what are you- (Chef Eustace hits Kevin over the head with a nightstick.)

Tony: Chef, please put Kevin in the penalty box for the rest of the game, thank you.

Now then, let the games begin! (He blows his whistle, signaling for the games to start.)

All the campers begin running to get a dodgeball. Gordon and Flapjack are the first to get there. They both pick up a ball at the same time and launch them at each other. The balls collide in midair as Gordon and Flapjack both dive for the rebound. They both catch their dodgeballs in unison and proceed to throw them at each other. If Gordon had a longer tail than he probably would've gotten out.

**Gordon: Phew, it's times like these where I'm glad I have a stubby tail.**

Gordon rolls out of the way and launches another ball towards Flapjack, who dodges it with ease but instead the ball hits Nazz in the face.

Tony:(Laughs) Well, it looks like Nazz just acquainted with some red rubber.

**Nazz: I really hope that dodgeball didn't mess up my hair.**

(Stewie and Brian manage to beat the slower K'nuckles and Chowder to the centerline and both grab dodgeballs and prepare to fire.)

Stewie: Don't fire till you see the whites of their cartoonish eyes, Brian. (Brian and Stewie both launch dodgeballs at K'nuckles and Chowder, striking both of them down instantly.

K'nuckles: Ouch, my sitting muscle.

Tony: Um, don't you mean your butt.

K'nuckles: No, I mean- (K'nuckles gets hit in the head with a dodgeball.)

**K'nuckles: Okay, let me clear this up, it's not a bottom or a butt, it's a sitting muscle!**

(Meanwhile, an unnoticed Waffle was able to obtain two balls and he then uses his tail as a propeller in order to fly into the air and launch two balls right at Brian and Stewie.)

Stewie: Incoming! (Stewie ducks his head and avoids an oncoming dodgeball and then pulls Brian out of the way, saving him from being hit.)

Brian: Oh ****, I didn't know cats could fly.

Stewie: Only the stupid ones, Brian, only the stupid ones.

**Brian: To be honest, I really don't see why people are in such an uproar all because I uttered two measly curse words. (Takes a sip of a martini.) Yeah, they still had some martinis left over in the minibar.**

Stewie: Quick, Brian, we need to take down this wannabe helicopter before he does any more damage. (Stewie grabs a dodgeball and hurls it at Waffle, who easily swoops over to left, avoiding the projectile.) Damn, he's too fast. We need to come up with a plan on how to bring him down to our level.

(Meanwhile, Jonny runs up and grabs a dodgeball.)

Jonny: Let's boogie, Plank. (Jonny throws the dodgeball at Flapjack in an uncoordinated fashion. Flapjack catches it with ease.)

Tony: Jonny, your out.

Jonny: Well, I guess it's up to you, Plank. (Jonny sets Plank down in the middle of the court.) Go get em, buddy.

(Flapjack walks up and weakly throws a ball at Plank, eliminating him.)

Tony: (In a sarcastic tone.) Wow, I thought Plank was gonna be the MVP.

(Gordon tries to sneak up on Flapjack while he eliminates Plank, but before he can capitalize he struck down from above by Waffle, who swoops down and strikes him in the gut with a dodgeball.)

Tony: Using his tail as a propeller, innovative and good for ratings, I like it! And now it's down to two on two. Flapjack and Waffle vs Brian and Stewie. Hey, I actually got to finish my sentence that time.

Stewie: Quick Brian, administer battle formation alpha niner sector twelve.

Brian: What?

Stewie: Just bend over. (Brian bends down and Stewie, with one ball in each hand, jumps onto him and uses him as platform to jump off of and, in midair, he fires two precisely aimed straight at Waffle. Waffle manages to dodge them both but while doing so he fails to notice that Stewie has pulled another ball out from under his overalls and throws it at Waffle, striking him in the air and sending him spiraling out of the sky, landing hard on the floor.)

Tony: Okay, seriously, what part of newly waxed floors do you people not understand!

(Stewie and Flapjack lock eyes with one another, both of them focusing on a lone dodgeball in the middle of the court. Almost in unison, they both run for it. They both grab it at the same time and have a brief tug of war over it until Brian gets behind Stewie and gives him the upper hand.)

Stewie: Good work, Brian. Now go grab another dodgeball in case I need backup. (Stewie launches the ball at a downed Flapjack, but he rolls out of the way, trying to get his wits about him. But before he had time to do anything, he was struck by a dodgeball from Brian.)

Tony: It would seem that the Toxic Rats came away with a victory in the second round. We're now tied up 1-1.

Stewie: Victory is mine!

Tony: You have five minutes to get ready for Round 3.

Round 3 begins with Flapjack, Waffle, Courage, Fred Fredburger and Nazz of the Killer Bass vs Brian, Stewie, Sarah, Jimmy and Mr. Blik of the Toxic Rats.

Tony: Ready, Go! (Blows whistle)

(Everyone runs for the centerline, with the exception of Jimmy, who walked. Flapjack grabs a dodgeball and throws it at Jimmy, who actually manages to dodge it, but then falls to the floor, crying.)

Jimmy: I think I pulled something, Sarah.

Tony: Please don't get any tears on the floor. If your gonna have a pity party, do it by the bleachers.

Sarah: ARRGH, look what you did to Jimmy! (Sarah grabs two balls and launches them at Flapjack who only has time to dodge one before the other smacks him upside the head.)

Tony: Haha, man, I love it when people rage on my show.

(Sarah grabs two more balls and hurls them at an unexpecting Fred Fredburger and Nazz, knocking them both to the ground. But Sarah didn't stop there, grabbing another ball, she launched it at Waffle and Courage's feet, Waffle managing to leap out of the way but the ball coming down on Courage's paw, eliciting a whimper from the dog.)

**Courage: I don't have a phobia of dodgeball or anything but man, that really hurt.**

Tony: Flapjack, Courage, Nazz and Fred Fredburger are eliminated. Now it's a five on one. (Waffle is up against Mr. Blik, Jimmy, Sarah, Brian and Stewie, and all of them have dodgeballs except for Jimmy. Almost at once, they all open fire on Waffle. Waffle may have been able to dodge a few of them but he was eventually overwhelmed and eliminated.)

And the Toxic Rats have claimed Round 3 with relative ease. It's now a 2-1 lead for the Toxic Rats.

(The Killer Bass huddle up.)

Flapjack: Okay guys, I'm not trying to be rude but maybe you guys could give me some help out there. Because Stewie and Sarah are pretty much all stars out there and me and Waffle have been having to do a lot of work.

K'nuckles: Oh yeah, well maybe your just not working hard enough.

Flapjack: Oh, well then maybe you could-

K'nuckles: Maybe you could.

Flapjack: Maybe you need to-

K'nuckles: Maybe you need to!

Flapjack: Um, then how about we just-

Fred Fredburger: Nachos!

**Flapjack: Sometimes it feels like I can never get a word in.**

Rolf: Rolf will assist you boy who's name is similar to that of a pancake. (Rolf had been sleeping on the bleachers for most the day but had awoken, realizing that his team needed assistance.) Rolf will make short work of these talking cartoon icons, yes.

Eddy: I hear ya, Rolfy boy. Count me in. (Eddy had been sleeping for a large portion of time as well, and groggily awoke to help his team.)

* * *

(Round 4 begins with Eddy, Rolf, Flapjack, Chowder and Ed against Stewie, Gordon, Mr. Blik, Jonny and Sarah. Mr. Blik, however, begins to leave the court.)

Mr. Blik: This is stupid, I'm going back to the bleachers.

Gordon: But Blik, we need you. Just stick around for one more round okay?

Mr. Blik: Alright, fine.

**Mr. Blik: I hate dodgeball. The only reason I'm playing is so my team won't get mad at me.**

Tony: (Blows whistle.) Go!

(Eddy, Rolf, and Flapjack get there first, grabbing balls and hurling them at their adversaries with newfound determination. Mr. Blik and Jonny are quickly struck down while Stewie and Gordon manage to dodge the oncoming projectiles and grab balls of their own. Sarah manages to catch a ball that was thrown by Eddy, thus eliminating him.)

Tony: Jonny, Blik, and Eddy, your out!

Rolf: Ed boy, whatever you do, do not cross the centerline, yes.

Ed: Sure thing, Rolf. (Ed picks up a dodgeball and blindly throws it into the air, coming down on an unsuspecting Sarah. It bounces off the top of her head.)

Sarah: Ed, you idiot!

Tony: Sarah's out!

Stewie: The purple bearcat is mine! (Stewie throws a ball, sending it rocketing towards Chowder.)

Chowder: Looks like I'm gonna need some help from Mr. Spoon. (Chowder takes out a spoon and hurls it at the dodgeball, the two objects colliding in midair.

Stewie: Damn, he's using his utensils to his advantage. (Meanwhile, Flapjack capitalizes on the distraction and sends another dodgeball towards Stewie, hitting him square in the chest. But Flapjack is then struck by a dodgeball from Gordon, who is then struck down by Chowder.)

Tony: The Killer Bass have won Round 4! It's now tied 2-2. The next team to win Round 5 will be declared the winner.

(The Killer Bass huddle up.)

Flapjack: Okay, so it'll be me, Eddy, Rolf, Waffle and who else?

Edd: Me!

Eddy: What?!

Edd: I want to get over my fear of dodgeball.

Eddy: No way, you'll screw it up. Besides, we've come too far to lose now.

(Flapjack pulls Eddy aside.)

Flapjack: I don't think we have that many options. Mung injured his groin, Fred Fredburger and Ed don't know the fundamentals of dodgeball, Courage injured his foot, K'nuckles said that his bottom, I mean, uh, sitting muscle was sore, Nazz doesn't want to mess up her hair, and Chowder twisted his tail.

Eddy: How'd he, you know what, never mind. We'll play Double D, but I just hope he doesn't wimp out on his.

Round 5 begins with Flapjack, Rolf, Eddy, Waffle, and Edd against Stewie, Brian, Sarah, Gordon and Plank.

Tony: Go!

(All the competitors, except for Plank, sprint for the centerline. Waffle gets there a split second before Gordon and tosses a ball his way, striking Gordon in the side. Meanwhile, Stewie gets to the line and grabs a dodgeball, aiming it at an oncoming Flapjack who stops dead in his tracks. Stewie fires a dodgeball at Flapjack, who, as if on instinct, did a backflip in order to avoid the red rubber.)

Tony: Whoa, I gotta say, that was impressive.

**Flapjack: I've actually never done a backflip before. I guess I just acted on instinct.**

**K'nuckles: Oh and another thing, I taught him how to do that backflip too.**

(Stewie quickly grabs two more balls and launches them at Flapjack, who narrowly avoids both of them. But he is struck by a dodgeball from Brian.)

Stewie: Good work, Brian. As long as we play our cards right we should be victorious. Just stay behind me and cover me if I need backup.

Brian: Whatever you say.

Rolf and Eddy are beaten to the center line by Sarah, who, wielding two dodge balls, launches them at the two. Stewie joins in as well, causing a trio of dodgeballs to come rocketing toward Eddy and Rolf.)

Eddy: Oh cra- oof!

(Eddy and Rolf are quickly eliminated.)

(Meanwhile, Waffle grabs a ball and lobs it at Brian, who deflects it with a ball of his own. Stewie then intervenes, sending a duo of dodgeballs toward the gray cat. Waffle did a vain attempt at performing a backflip but failed miserably, dodge balls nailing him in the head.)

Tony: Well, it looks like all but one of the Killer Bass has been eliminated.

(Edd is now the only one left on his team, and Sarah, Brian, and Stewie were all grinning at him evilly with dodge balls in their hands. Then, they all fired upon him at once. But they were caught by surprise when Edd actually caught two of the balls in his hands, and then using them to deflect the third. Edd had caught Sarah and Stewie's balls, eliminating both of them. Then will all the strength his little arms could muster, he threw the two balls straight at Brian, who attempted to catch one of them but the other ball hit him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Meanwhile, the other ball soared through the air, finding a landing place on Plank, bouncing harmlessly off the wooden board.)

Tony: Well I'll be, the Killer Bass have claimed victory for the third time in a row!

**Edd: I don't know what came over me. I guess I was just tired of being scared of dodgeball. But it would seem I have overcome my fear of dodgeball.**

(The Killer Bass storm the court, cheering for Edd while Rolf and Ed hoist him onto their shoulders and parade him around the court. Tony turns to the Toxic Rats.)

Tony: And as for you people, I expected better from you. And, once again, I will see you at the campfire ceremony tonight.

**Kevin: I already know who I'm voting for. I'll give you a hint, it's an inanimate object.**

**Stewie: That wooden board has been a liability to us since day one.**

**Gordon: That hothead Kevin has been gettin on my nerves since day one.**

* * *

(We cut to the campfire ceremony. Tony walks up with a tray of ten marshmallows.)

Tony: Normally I would explain how the ceremony works but seeing how this is your third time here I think you know the drill. When I call your name come up and claim your marshmallow.

Gordon...

Jonny...

Stewie...

Sarah...

Brian...

Mr. Blik...

Jimmy...

Ren...

Tony: And now we are down to two campers. (Tony stares at Kevin and Plank.)

And the last marshmallow...

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Goes to...

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Kevin.

Kevin: Kiss your imaginary friend goodbye, blimp head. (Chef Eustace picks up Plank and throws him onto the boat.)

Jonny: NNNNOOOOO! Plank! (Jonny breaks down and starts sobbing.)

**Brian: Wow, that guy has some seroius issues.**

**Stewie: Honestly, I'm actually kinda surprised that Plank didn't get eliminated sooner. The fact that a wooden board was able to outlast two other campers is kind of disturbing. **

**Kevin: Man, that's the third time in a row I was almost eliminated. The question is, who's the dork who's trying to eliminate me?**

**Jonny: I can't believe they would do this to my best pal! (sobs)**

* * *

Tony: Who will be eliminated next, and will the Toxic Rats ever be able to make a comeback? Tune in next time on

Total...

Drama...

Island!


	5. Talent Show

Tony: Last time on Total, Drama, Island. The two teams faced off against one another in a best of five game of dodgeball. In the end, it was Edd who managed to overcome his fear of dodgeball and secure the victory for his team, causing the Killer Bass to have a 3-0 undefeated streak. Will the Killer Bass finally lose a challenge? Will the Toxic Rats ever be able to make a comeback? Who will be voted off next? Find out now on Total, Drama, Island!

* * *

(The campers are eating lunch in he mess hall, all of them sore after yesterday's event.)

**Jonny: I don't know how I'm gonna get by without Plank, after all, he's my best pal.**

(Jonny sits alone by himself while Brian and Stewie chat amongst themselves.)

Brian: So now that we've lost three challenges in a row, what do we do now?

Stewie: Like I told you before Brian, as long as we keep a low profile it doesn't matter if we win a challenge or not.

Brian: Well, yeah, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to win and not have to worry about getting voted off.

Stewie: Trust me, Brian, everything is well under control.

Tony: Attention campers, as soon as your finished with your meal please report to the large auditorium on the South side of the island. Trust me, you won't be able to miss it, it's huge.

Stewie: Well, we better get a move on, Brian.

Brian: Hey, get a load of that guy. (Brian motion toward Jonny, who is moping miserably toward the auditorium.)

**Stewie: (In sarcastic voice.) Hmm, now why do I get the feeling he won't last long?**

(Soon the campers are all gathered around the auditorium, watching as Tony walks onstage.)

Tony: Attention campers, today we're going to be having a talent show which will be your challenge. You will select three of your campers to compete in our talent show, which will be judged by our very own Chef Eustace. Chef Eustace will give the camper a simple thumbs up or thumbs down depending on how good your act is. The team that gets the most thumbs up will be victorious and claim invincibility for their team, and judging by their track record, It'll most likely be the Killer Bass. Now, you have one hour to hold auditions for your team and practice your respective acts. When that one hour is over, we will flip a coin to decide which team goes first. Now... Go!

(The Toxic Rats begin to hold auditions for their team, with Kevin electing himself as leader.)

Kevin: Alright, so it'll be me, Stewie, and who else?

Sarah: I guess I could try to play my banjo.

Kevin: Right, so we've got that figured out. Now we just need to rehearse.

(Brian walks up to Stewie.)

Brian: Gee, Stewie, for someone who wants to keep a low profile I'm surprised you entered yourself in the talent show.

Stewie: Well, Brian, let's just say I had a good reason for entering the contest.

Brian: That reason being.

Stewie: I am going to use my mind control device to force the chef to give me a thumbs up.

Brian: Why don't you just use the mind control device to force the chef to give you and your teammates a thumbs up. After all, if Chef Eustace gives a thumbs up to all three of our contestants, then we're a shoe in for invincibility.

Stewie: I like the way you think, dog. Very well then, victory shall be ours.

(Meanwhile, the Killer Bass are still trying to get auditions done.)

Rolf: Rolf wishes to perform the dance of the hairless otter.

Nazz: And I'll play my tuba.

Eddy: Now we need one more person, and I know just the guy. (Eddy looks over at Edd, who is reading under a nearby tree.) Time to bring out ol' 88 fingers Edward. (Eddy walks over to Edd.) Hey, Double D, what say you audition for the talent show.

Edd: Oh no, I couldn't, Eddy. I don't have any talents.

Eddy: Did you bring your pedal steel guitar?

Edd: Well, yes, but-

Eddy: But nothing. Your amazing when you play that thing. We need you in this contest. I'm not asking you to try out, I'm telling you to.

Edd: But Eddy you I find that instrument to be a nuisance. I wouldn't even have brought it here had Mother and Father not forced me to.

Eddy: No buts, Double D. Now get your butt to that cabin and get that pedal steel guitar, and don't come back with out it!

Ed: Not to mention a duck.

Eddy: Ed, where did you come from?

Ed: I come in peace, Eddy.

(Edd goes to his cabin and retrieves his pedal steel guitar.)

Edd: Ugh, this instrument is so detestable. (Edd walks back to the auditions, where he finds all of his teammates waiting for him.) Oh dear, is there a problem?

Rolf: Do not toy with Rolf, head in sock ed boy. Rolf wishes to see your act, yes.

Chowder: Yeah, Eddy told us that you were gonna play your pedal steel guitar and win the talent show for us!

Edd: (mumbles.) Why of all the no good. Does anyone know where Eddy is?

Flapjack: I think he's in the confessional. (Flapjack motions toward the confessional. Edd walks up to it and here's giggling inside.)

**Eddy: Man this is too rich, sockhead has no idea that when he comes back all the campers are gonna ask him to audition. Hahaha it's too priceless! (Suddenly Eddy is interrupted by a knocking at the confessional door, causing him to jump in surprise. Edd's voice is audible from outside.)**

**Edd: (From outside the confessional.) Eddy, I know your in there!**

**Eddy: Gulp!**

(Meanwhile, the Toxic Rats are practicing their respective acts, Kevin being up first on his unicycle, doing a handstand on it, impressing some of the other campers.)

Jimmy: He's so dreamy.

**Stewie: Yep, he's definitely a homosexual.**

(Next Sarah plays her banjo, almost shattering the ears of her fellow teammates.)

Stewie: Dear God, that was even more disturbing then when Peter tried to get high off of hand sanitizer.

**Cutaway Gag**

(Peter walks up to the refrigerator and opens it, finding it to be empty.)

Peter: Aw crap, we're out of beer again. (Peter spots a bottle of hand sanitizer on the counter. He goes and picks it up.) Well, I guess it's time to see if the rumors are true. (Peter twists the cap off the hand sanitizer and chugs it down, belching after he is finished.) Well that wasn't so bad. (Peter's stomach starts rumbling and he then unexpectedly vomits all over the floor.) I take it back, that was horrible, that was just horri-BBBLLLAAAHHH! (Peter vomits again.)

**Cutaway Gag ends**

(Stewie retrieves his mind control device.)

Stewie: All right listen up, just do exactly as I say and we shall win this competition.

Kevin: Whoa, hold on a second here, pal, who says you get to be leader? (Stewie smacks Kevin in the face with the butt of his mind control gun, and then aims it at Brian, stunning him with the mind control ray.)

Stewie: Brian, go eat shit.

Brian: Yes, master. (Brian goes off into the woods, leaving the other members of the Toxic Rats shocked.)

Stewie: As you may have already guessed I have in my possession a mind control device which I can use to turn the tides of this contest. It's simple, I'll hypnotize Chef Eustace into giving all of our performers a thumbs up. Anybody got a problem with that?

Toxic Rats: No.

(Meanwhile, over with the Killer Bass, Nazz is practicing her tuba solo, with little success, Rolf is rehearsing the hairless otter dance, and Edd was owning the pedal steel guitar with a tremendous amount of ease. Mung, Chowder, Flapjack, K'nuckles, and Ed had gathered to watch him play.)

Chowder: Whoa, how do your fingers move so fast?

Flapjack: Look, now he's using his feet. (Edd starts reading a book and playing the pedal steel guitar at the same time, using his feet to play it.)

K'nuckles: Yippeee, we're a shoe in, boys.

Tony: Attention campers, the time for talking is over, and the time for performing is now. I'll flip a coin to decide which team will start first. Heads, the Bass, tails, the Toxic Rats. (He flips the coin, landing on tails.) Looks like the Toxic Rats are first up.

(Sarah gets on stage and starts to play her banjo, while Chef Eustace looks on rather unenthusiastically. Meanwhile, over in the bushes, Stewie focuses on Chef Eustace, aiming his mind control gun at him, and firing. By now, mostly everyone had covered their ears due to the earsplitting performance. That made it all the more surprising when Chef Eustace gave it a thumbs up. Everyone, except for the Toxic Rats, gasped in confusion.)

**Eddy: That twerp was terrible. How the heck did she get a thumbs up?**

**Rolf: Rolf suspects foul play, yes.**

**Edd: I'm not trying to put a damper on Sarah's performance but I was very surprised to see Chef Eustace give her a thumbs up.**

**Ed: (Looks around for a minute.) Hmm, what did I come in here for?**

Tony: Well, after that, um, stunning performance, let's get someone from the Killer Bass to come up on stage. First up we have Rolf, who will be performing the dance of the hairless otter.

(Rolf walks onstage and begins to perform, and ends up doing a surprisingly good job, with Chef Eustace giving him a thumbs up.)

Tony: Next up, we have Kevin performing a trick on a unicycle. (Kevin walks onstage and we see he has a swollen eye from where Stewie hit him. Kevin does a handstand on the unicycle and Chef, being hypnotized by Stewie again, gives him a thumbs up.)

Tony: Next, we have Edd playing the pedal steel guitar. (Edd begrudgingly walks on stage, his instrument in tow. He carefully sets up on stage as Stewie looks on from his hiding spot in the bushes.)

Stewie: And now to ensure our victory. (Unbeknownst to Stewie, Rolf had discovered his hiding spot and was quietly creeping up on Stewie.)

Rolf: In honor of my ancestors, SSSHHHAAABBBLLLAAAHHHAAA! (Rolf tackles Stewie, shattering the mind control device into a million pieces.)

Stewie: What the deuce!?

(Meanwhile, up on stage, Edd has begun to play the pedal steel guitar, and everyone was impressed. Chef would give him a thumbs up.)

Tony: That is going to be a hard act to follow. Next up we have Stewie who will show off his, uh, mind control device? (Tony looks and sees that Stewie is bruised and battered and his device is completely trashed.)

Tony: Ok then, I'll just rule that as an automatic thumbs down.

Stewie: Damn.

Kevin: Nice going, dork, because of you we're gonna lose the cha-ugh. (Stewie picks up a piece of broken glass that was left over from the destroyed device and jabs it, point black, into Kevin's face.)

Tony: Man that guy gets beat up a lot. Well, onto our next act, Nazz and her tuba!

(Nazz walks onstage and begins to play the tuba. Unfortunately, however, Chef, along with mostly everyone else, is unimpressed.)

Chef Eustace: That, was terrible. Thumbs down.

Tony: Well, it seems we have reached another tie. Seeing as how we've only got four minutes of running time left I'm just gonna flip a coin to decide the victor.

Nazz: But that's not fair, dude.

Mung: You can't decide who wins based on the flip of a coin.

Tony: Oh yes I can. I'm the host, I make the rules, remember?

(Tony flips the coin.)

Tony: Call it in the air.

Nazz: Heads!

Sarah: Tails!

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(Closeup of quarter in midair.)

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(Close up of both teams looking worried.)

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(Close up of Tony grinning.)

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Tony: It's landed on tails.

Toxic Rats: Yessss!

Tony: And as for the Killer Bass, sorry about your luck. I'll see you at the campfire ceremony tonight. In the meantime, be thinking about who your gonna vote for.

**Edd: Although I feel that Nazz costed us the win I can't bring myself to vote for her.**

**Rolf: Rolf respects Nazz girl's efforts, but the son of a shepherd cannot have weak links on his team.**

* * *

(The Killer Bass are all gathered around the campfire as Tony walks up with a tray of eleven marshmallows.)

Tony: Ah, here we have twelve campers, but only eleven marshmallows. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow, the lone camper who does not receive a marshmallow will walk the dock of shame, hop aboard the boat of losers, and leave the island, and you can never come back... EVER!

(Eddy gulps.)

Ed

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Edd

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Rolf

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Waffle

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Chowder

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Flapjack

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Fred Fredburger

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Mung

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K'nuckles

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Courage

**Courage: Phew, I was almost out there, I need to be more careful.**

Tony: And so it's come to this. (Tony eyes Eddy and Nazz, both nervously glancing at each other.)

Eddy: You just had to flip that stupid coin.

Tony: Who will be eliminated? Will it be Nazz, whose horrific tuba playing cost the Killer Bass a potential victory. Or will it be Eddy, who did nothing to deserve getting eliminated but it would be hilarious to see him go anyway.

(Eddy grumbles.)

Tony: Now, the camper who is safe isss...

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(Close up of Eddy biting his fingernails.)

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(Close up of Nazz looking worried.)

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(Close up of marshmallow.)

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Eddy

(Eddy lets out a relaxing sigh and claims his marshmallow.)

Tony: Well Nazz, it's been nice knowing ya. The boat of losers awaits.

Nazz: Bummer, oh well. (Nazz sighs and gets on the boat as it pulls away.)

Tony: Took it better than I expected.

**Edd: Ok I admit it, I was the one who voted for Eddy. I know he's my best friend but I just couldn't bring myself to vote for Nazz, and I was still steaming over him making me play pedal steel guitar. **

**(We hear Eddy's voice from outside the confessional.)**

**Eddy: Hey sockhead, I heard that!**

**Edd: Oh dear, I must go now, sorry. **

* * *

Tony: Will the Toxic Rats be able to capitalize on this victory? How many stitches will Kevin need to get? Who will be voted off next? Find out next time on

Total!

Drama!

Island!


	6. Basketball

(Tony walks onscreen.)

Tony: Last time on Total Drama Island. The campers took part in a talent show to see who would win. Some did good, others, not so much. Edd dominated with his pedal steel guitar and Kevin performed some impressive high flying maneuvers with his unicycle. But in the end, it would come to a standstill, and I would be the one to decide the fate of the teams, flipping a quarter and thus, by a stroke of luck, the Toxic Rats would barely luck their way into victory, ending their losing streak. In the end, it would be the blonde bombshell Nazz Van Bartonschmeer who would be the first Bass to be voted off the island due to her incompetent tuba playing. Who will be eliminated next? Find out now on

Total!

Drama!

Island!

* * *

(The campers are eating breakfast in the mess hall. Brian walks up and smacks Stewie.)

Stewie: Ow, bitch.

Brian: That's for making me eat deer feces, jackass.

Stewie: I know your upset, Brian, but it was for the good of the team.

Brian: Stewie-

Sarah: Oh quit your bellyaching ya dumb dog.

Kevin: Yeah, I've heard enough of your bitching and moaning.

(Eddy shouts from the Bass table.)

Eddy: Hey rodents, how's it feel to know that the only way you guys can beat us is if you get lucky. (Eddy laughs uncontrollably and milk starts coming out of his nose, causing several of his teammates to join in on the laughter.)

Tony: Attention campers, please report to the South side of the island when your finished eating, thank you.

(The campers have all gathered at the South side of the island, where they have entered a rather nice looking gym with a brand spanking new basketball court inside. The campers immediately realized what was happening.)

**Edd: Why does it always have to be a sport? Why can't it be something intellectual like flash cards or knitting.**

**Kevin: This is gonna be so choice. I'm the captain of my basketball team back at Peach Creek Middle, so this is gonna be a slam dunk.**

**Rolf: This competition shall be easy as Rolf is quite knowledgeable when it comes to utilizing the inflated sphere.**

**Ed: Gee, what game are we going to play? It was football, no wait, soccer, baseball. No, nevermind, it was definitely football.**

**Stewie: Oh bitch please, this is child's play. I can already shoot a basketball at a fourth grade level.**

**Courage: Aw man, I'm not too good at basketball, or any other sport for that matter.**

Tony: Okay boys and girl, today you'll be playing each other in the classic game of basketball! The first team to score 21 points will be victorious. It'll be the Toxic Rats versus the Killer Bass. There can only be five players on the court per team. Pick your team captain and your starters and let's get this game started!

Kevin: Look guys, I know more about basketball than all of you combined, so I think it's fitting that I'm team captain.

Stewie: Very well then, I won't argue, but I will be one of the starters.

Kevin: Right. So me, Stewie, and who else?

Brian: Guess I might as well join in.

Jonny: Oh, pick me. C'mon Kevin, you know you want to.

Kevin: Buzz off, Jonny. Sarah, how about you?

Sarah: Ugh, sure.

Gordon: Aye, I think I'll give it a go. How about you, Blik.

Mr. Blik: Alright, I'll play, but I'm not gonna like it.

* * *

(The Killer Bass talk amongst themselves)

Rolf: Rolf will take over as team captain.

Eddy: Let me start. After all, I'm a pro at this.

Edd: Eddy, you know nothing about the fundamentals of basketball.

Eddy: What's to know, just grab the ball and shoot it.

Ed: Don't worry, my dad has a shovel.

Mung: Me and Chowder can start.

Chowder: But Mung, I don't wanna play.

Mung: Either play or risk getting voted off, Chowder.

Ed: Oh, let me play, I'm great at football.

Edd: Um, Ed, you do realize that we're playing basketball, right?

Ed: Cookies and milk!

Rolf: Hmm, how about you, pink dog with black spots.

Courage: I have a name, you know, and yes, I'll play, but I'm not very good.

* * *

Tony: Alright, the scoreboard is set up, each team is allowed three time outs, there is no time limit, keep playing and don't stop till one team scores 21. If it's a tie, then we'll go into overtime. Now then, let the games, begin!

(Starting for the Killer Bass we have Courage, Rolf, Eddy, Mung and Chowder. Starting for the Toxic Rats we have Stewie, Kevin, Sarah, Gordon, and Mr. Blik. Tony blows a whistle, signaling for the game to start. At the center of the court, we see Kevin and Rolf, and inbetween them we see Chef Eustace in a referee outfit holding the basketball, he then throws it straight into the air, leaving Rolf and Kevin to compete for the tipoff. Rolf, having the obvious height advantage, reached up and tipped it towards his teammates, Eddy caught and began dribbling down the court, but was cut off by Blik and Gordon and passed it to Rolf, who charged in on Kevin and was able to get a layup and get fouled as well.)

Rolf: And one, Mr. Hotshot.

Tony: It's now 2-0 with the Killer Bass taking the early lead, and Rolf with go to the line for his one free throw.

Rolf heads to the line and shoots a perfect free throw much to the annoyance of Kevin. The score was now 3-0 in favor of the Killer Bass. Kevin got the ball and began to dribble down the court, unsure of who to pass to, on his left, he saw Stewie and Gordon struggling to evade Rolf and Mung in an effort to get open, and to his right Sarah and Mr. Blik just stood there, looking like they could care less. Kevin weighed the odds and decided he'd drive it down the lane himself. He took two dribbles, faked a pass to Gordon, and managed to pull of a left handed skyhook. The score was now 3-2. Eddy sloppily dribbled down the lane and he didn't get very far before Kevin stole it from him, running down the lane and throwing up an easy layup, causing Eddy to go red with anger. The score was now 4-3. This time Rolf took it down the lane and he quickly passed it off to Chowder, who clumsily dropped it, with Kevin scooping it up off the ground and running to the other end of the court for another layup. The score was 6-3. Rolf once again dribbled down the lane, trying to find the open man among the mess of campers, his eyes fixing on Mung, passing it straight to him. Mung caught it and attempted to shoot a mid range jumper but he was blocked from behind and subsequently stolen from by Kevin, who attempted to take it back to the other end of the court, but he was intercepted by Rolf, who stole it from Kevin and drove it back down the lane, charging in on both Gordon and Stewie and still managing to edge in the layup. The score was now 6-5. Kevin dribbled down the court and passed to Gordon, who subsequently passed it to Mr. Blik.)

Gordon: Heads up, Blik! (Blik catches the ball and lazily shoots an airball that is caught by Eddy.)

Kevin: What the hell was that? You know, you could've at least tried to put some effort into it.

Mr. Blik: Blah Blah Blah, who cares. We're still in the lead aren't we?

Kevin: We won't be for long if you keep playing like that!

Gordon: Blik, next time try to hit the backboard.

Mr. Blik: (mumbles) I'll hit your backboard.

(Eddy passed to Rolf who contemplated shooting a three pointer but instead passed to Courage, who shot a mid range jumper and swished it, much to the surprise of the other campers. The score was now 6-7.)

Kevin: Beginners luck.

**Courage: I have no idea how I did that.**

Rolf: Good work, dog. Keep it up.

Courage: I'll try.

(Kevin dribbled down the court, passed it to Gordon, who passed it back to Kevin, who drained a three pointer from the side. The score was now 9-7. Mung dribbled down the court, he was wheezing and was already beginning to show fatigue from the game.)

Mung: Here Chowder, catch! (Mung throws the ball towards Chowder.)

Chowder: SAY WHA- (Before Chowder could finish his sentence, the ball crashed into Chowder's gaping mouth, sliding down his throat and causing him to swallow the basketball whole.)

Tony: Holy Crap! Tell me I did not just see that. He just swallowed the basketball in one gulp. In all my years as a TV host I have never seen anything as wacky as that, EVER! (Tony breaks down laughing.) Well, I guess now we'll have to find a new ball, unfortunately, all the other balls are deflated. Chef, if you would be so kind.

(Chef Eustace groans and begins to inflate another basketball.)

(One inflated ball later.)

Tony: Let the games resume! The Killer Bass will retain possession of the ball.

(Rolf dribbles down the court, making a mental note not to pass to Chowder. He fakes out Kevin and passes to Courage, who is heavily guarded by Stewie and is forced to pass back. Rolf passes to Eddy who loses the ball due to his sloppy ball handling but Chowder narrowly manages to recover it and passes back to Rolf. Rolf notices that the shot clock is winding down, he is double teamed by Kevin and Stewie and is forced to pass to Courage. With one second left on the clock, Courage shoots it from the three point line... and it swooshes in with ease. The Killer Bass immediately started cheering. The score was now 9-10.)

Tony: Well, well, well. It looks like Courage has a hidden talent for b-ball. I'm impressed.

Rolf: Excellent work, dog. Rolf is pleased.

Courage: So am I.

(Kevin dribbles down the lane and passes to Stewie, who shoots but misses. Luckily, Kevin manages to get the second chance rebound but is blocked by Rolf while trying to put it back up. The ball is rebounded by Mung who passes to Courage who shoots another three pointer, this time banking it in. The scores 9-13.)

Tony: And Courage scores another three points for his team.

(Gordon dribbles down the court and attempts to shoot a fadeaway jumper but air balls miserably. Rolf gets the rebound and passes to Courage, who drains yet another three pointer. The score is 9-16.)

Kevin: That's It! I'm calling a time out! Now!

Tony: Alright then, I'll give you a five minute time out. You have two more left.

(The Toxic Rats huddle up.)

Kevin: What is wrong with you people! All of you have been playing like shit out there. I've made all our points so far. Someone else has to step up their game if we're gonna win this thing. The other team is one three pointer away from having a ten point lead. Why can't you guys take your tampons out and play the freakin game.

Sarah: Who cares. Basketball is stupid.

Kevin: I don't care if you think it's stupid. You should care because if we lose then your going to be a high candidate for elimination.

Sarah: (Growls) Fine, I'll try to play better.

Mr. Blik: I think I'll sit the rest of this one out.

Kevin: You didn't even do anything besides airball it once. Fine, who want's to take his place?

Brian: Ugh, I'll do it.

Tony: Time's up, ladies. Let the games resume!

(Kevin dribbles down the court, passes to Brian, who, as you can guess, was a sloppy ball handler. He is stolen from by Courage who passes to Rolf for an open three pointer, one that he didn't hesitate to make. The score was now 9-19.)

Eddy: Yeah baby, one more point and we win!

Kevin: Why did I have to get stuck on a team with such losers!

(While Kevin was busy having a rage fit, Courage was left open and sunk one more shot, just enough to reach 21. The final score was 9-21, The Killer Bass emerging victorious. Kevin pounded on the floor, while the other members of the Toxic Rats sunk their heads in shame.)

Tony: Well it seems the Toxic Rats have quickly reverted back to their losing ways.

(Meanwhile, in a victory celebration, Ed and Rolf hoisted Courage onto their shoulders and paraded him around the court while the Killer Bass chanted his name.)

Tony: Congrats, Bass! (Tony turns to the Toxic Rats.) And as for you, I'll see you at the campfire tonight.

(Kevin angrily turns to his teammates.)

Kevin: You people are the biggest losers I've ever seen in my entire life!

**Brian: I know who I'm voting for.**

**Stewie: I don't care how many points he made or even if he's our most valuably player, He is too big of both a possible future threat and a major annoyance to remain in the contest.**

**Sarah: That football headed jock is out of here!**

**Mr. Blik: Bye, bye football head.**

**Kevin: There's no way their gonna vote me off. I made all of our points. They need me. I'll be just fine.**

* * *

(The Toxic Rats are all seated around the campfire. Tony walks up with a tray of 8 marshmallows.)

Tony: On this tray I have 8 marshmallows, but alas, there are 9 of you. You guys pretty much know how this works so I'll cut to the chase. When I call your name please claim your marshmallow.

Stewie

Brian

Jimmy

Jonny

Gordon

Sarah

Ren

(Tony looks and sees that we're down to Mr. Blik and Kevin.)

Tony: And then there were two. And the final marshmallow goes to...

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(Close up of Mr. Blik gulping in fear.)

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(Close up of Kevin looking confident.)

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Mr. Blik.

Mr. Blik: Yeahhhhhhhhh! (Mr. Blik arrogantly walks up and claims his marshmallow, the fear he had earlier quickly dissolving.)

Kevin: (Kevin dons a look of shock which gradually escalates into rage. His face turns ripe red with seething anger.) Fine, vote me off! But remember this, you just voted off your star player! You'll be nothing without me! You hear me! Nothing! And another thing, I- (Stewie punches Kevin in the face, getting on top of him and proceeding to unleash a flurry of punches to his skull. The campers and Tony watch in shock as Stewie drags a beaten and battered Kevin toward the boat of losers, forcefully throwing him onto it. Stewie then turns to the camera.)

Stewie: Roadhouse.

Brian: Um Stewie you do realize that the whole roadhouse gimmick was kinda Peter's thing so you kinda just ripped him off.

Stewie: F**k off, dog.

* * *

Tony: Will Peter get pissed off at Stewie? Will the Toxic Rats fall into another losing streak? Who will be voted off next? Find out next time on

Total!

Drama!

Island!


	7. Brain Pain

Tony: Last time on Total Drama Island! The campers took part in a friendly game of basketball where The Killer Bass were able to regain their momentum and beat the Toxic Rats yet again! This time it was the hotheaded jock Kevin who would bite the dust. Will the Toxic Rats regroup for another comeback, or will the Killer Bass pound them into extinction. Find out now on

Total!

Drama!

Island!

* * *

(The campers are seen tossing and turning in their bunks inside their cabin. The camera then zooms out to reveal Tony standing outside the cabins, a large megaphone in hand.)

Tony: Shhh, their sleeping. (Tony yells into the megaphone.) Wake up!

(Groaning can be heard from both cabins as campers slowly begin to walk out, like zombies in a horror film.)

Stewie: What the hell, man!? Don't you know that babies need like two times as much sleep as a normal human being!

Tony: Don't know, don't care. Now I want each team to get in a single file line outside their respective cabins on the double!

(Half an hour later, the two teams are groggily awaiting instructions.)

Tony: Well, it took ya long enough.

Jimmy: Well you can't expect me to go outside without doing my hair.

**Stewie: Yep, he's gay alright.**

Tony: Well now that your all here, I can announce our, or, should I say your, haha, challenge. However, today's challenge will be different from your previous ones. While our previous challenges tested mostly your physical skills, this challenge will focus on your mental skills. So, today's challenge will be an intellectual brain quiz!

**Edd: Finally, a contest that I know I'll excel at.**

**Waffle: If it's a quiz, I sure hope it's focusing on root beer trivia. Mmmmm, root beer.**

**Brian: I don't consider myself a genius, but I do read up on my Shakespeare.**

Tony: Each team will select up to three people to compete in the brain quiz, I will read a question from a card and whoever hits the buzzer first gets their first shot at the question. Each contestant will stand at a podium with their fellow teammates who are also competing, at your podium you'll see a big red button. After I finish reading the question, the first one to hit the button gets their first shot at the question. As soon as you hit the button, you have a 15 second time limit to answer the question. If a contestant answers a question correctly, they'll be rewarded one point for their team. The first team to score ten points will be declared the winner. You have five minutes to pick the teams. Go!

(The Killer Bass discuss.)

Eddy: Well we know that Double D is definitely on. Who else?

Fred Fredburger: Oh, let me. I can spell my name real good.

Edd: I'm glad you offered, Fred, but maybe someone else should,um, try.

Ed: How about me, Double D! I know everything about gravy, and I won the spelling bee too!

(Edd winces at Ed's last comment.)

**Edd: It always gets under my skin whenever Ed brings up last year's spelling bee. Ohh, why did I say i?**

Waffle: Let me! I know everything about root beer, ask me anything about it.

Edd: Very well then, me and Waffle and who else?

Waffle: Splee!

Ed: Oh come on Double D, PLEASE!

Eddy: No way, Ed! You'll screw it up.

Edd: I think we should give him a chance Eddy. Ed, you can join the quiz team.

Ed: Oh boy, Oh boy. I'm as happy as a shoe in a canoe in Peru.

(The Toxic Rats discuss.)

Stewie: I'm definitely in this, as I possess an infinite knowledge in the field of just about everything.

Brian: I'll be in, too.

Jimmy: And me.

Tony: Time's up. Let the quiz begin!

(Tony is at a center podium, at his left and right are three podiums, Killer Bass on the right, and Toxic Rats on the left.)

Tony: First question.

What was the name of the lost colony in America?

(Edd pushes the button.)

Edd: Roanoke.

Tony: That is correct. One point for the Killer Bass, taking an early lead.

Next question.

Who painted the Sistine Chapel?

(Stewie pushes the button.)

Stewie: Michelangelo.

Tony: Correct! One point for the Rats.

Next, in what century did the custom of brewing root beer begin.

(Waffle hits his buzzer.)

Waffle: In the 18th century!

Tony: Correct! Two points for the Killer Bass.

What type of gravy is made from the drippings of ham and fried in a skillet?

(Ed hits his buzzer.)

Ed: Red eye gravy!

Tony: Correct! Three points for the Killer Bass, who are already starting to pull away.

Stewie: What the hell is with the food questions?

**Edd: I must say it seems like the trivia questions so far have been specially favorable towards Waffle and Ed's favorite things, giving us somewhat of an unfair advantage.**

Tony: From what play is this famous quote from, "To be or not to be, that is the question."

(Brian hits the buzzer.)

Brian: Hamlet.

Tony: Correct! Two points!

Next, who was the director of the critically acclaimed film Jurassic Park?

(Ed buzzes in.)

Ed: Thomas Jefferson!

Edd: (Facepalm)

Tony: Oh I'm sorry big guy but I'm afraid that's incorrect. I'll now turn the floor over to any members of the Toxic Rats if you think you have the answer.

(Brian buzzes in.)

Brian: Steven Spielberg.

Tony: Correct! Three points for the Rats.

Who is on the face of the ten dollar bill?

Ed: Davy Crockett!

Edd: Ed, please stop that!

Tony: Wrong again, big guy. Rats?

Stewie: Alexander Hamilton.

Tony: Correct! Four for the Rats.

What were the names of the two astronauts who landed on the moon?

(Edd sees Ed about to hit the buzzer.)

Edd: Ed don't-

Ed: Bobby and Bubba!

Tony: Uhhh, no.

Brian: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.

Tony: Five points for the Rats!

**Edd: Oh dear, Ed could jeopardize our chances of winning if he keeps this up.**

**Eddy: I swear if Ed ruins this I'm gonna wring his neck!**

**Stewie: Excellent, as long as the big buffoon keeps this charade up, victory will be mine.**

**Brian: I didn't think I'd be doing this good.**

**Waffle: MMMMM, root beer.**

(Meanwhile, on a nearby set of bleachers, the teams were cheering the competitors on. The camera focuses on K'nuckles who appears to have passed out, Flapjack trying to wake him up.)

Flapjack: Cap'n, wake up.

(K'nuckles burps loudly, causing some of the other campers to turn their attention to him.)

Flapjack: Wake up, we need to support our team.

(K'nuckles responds by emitting a rather high pitched fart, causing several campers to turn away in disgust, and causing Mung to faint. The smell of the fart travels to Jimmy's podium.)

Jimmy: Heavens to betsy, what is that hideous odor. (Jimmy sways as he becomes naucious.) Sarah, help! (Jimmy crumples to the ground in an overly dramatic fashion.)

(Some members of the Killer Bass laugh at this, including Eddy. Sarah helps Jimmy up while Eddy laughs uncontrollably.)

Eddy: Oh man this is too rich, fluffy almost passed out.

Sarah: Mind your own beeswax bub! (Sarah punches Eddy square in the face.)

Tony: Next question. What do bears do during the winter?

Edd: Hibernate.

Tony: Four for the Bass. It's still anybody's game.

What is the Spanish word for milk?

Brian: Lache.

**Brian: I actually learned that back when we had Consuela as our housekeeper. It was pretty much all she drank.**

Tony: Six points for the Toxic Rats.

Ed: Ugh, my brain hurts, guys.

Eddy: Why am I not surprised.

Tony: Next question, what is the largest shark of all time?

Edd: Megalodon.

Tony: Five points for the Bass.

Name one of the cell structures.

Ed: Macaroni with a side of swiss gravy.

Edd: Oh dear.

* * *

(30 minutes later)

Tony: Okay fellas, we're all tied up 9 to 9, the next point will decide the victor.

And the final question is...

Eddy: Ed, you better keep your big mouth shut.

Ed: Can I cater a party?

Eddy: Grrrr!

Tony: What was the name of the biblical character who stole the blessing from his brother Esau?

**Brian: Your f**king kidding me, it's a f***ing bible question, that is so unfair.**

Edd: Uh, Joshua?

Tony: Wrong!

Brian: I'm gonna take a wild guess and choose one of the most common names I know, is it Jacob?

Tony: That's correct! The Toxic Rats are victorious!

(Toxic Rats cheer!)

Brian: F**k yes!

Tony: And as for the Killer Bass, well, I thought you guys were the golden boys, keyword thought. I'll see you at the campfire ceremony tonight.

* * *

(In the Bass cabin.)

Eddy: Ed, you idiot, you cost us the challenge, we would've had those rodents if it wasn't for you.

Ed: But Eddy, it wasn't my fault.

Edd: I wouldn't be so quick to judge, Eddy. At least Ed had the guts to volunteer. And I don't seem to recall you volunteering at all, so therefore, if you want to get technical about it, Ed contributed more than you did.

(All eyes are on Eddy now, who laughs nervously and backs away.)

Edd: As a matter of fact, I think we should not vote off anyone who competed because at least they were willing to compete for their team. Ed and Waffle, they both knew deep down that they weren't the smartest, but that didn't stop them from going out and representing their team anyway, which is more than I can say about most of you people, so if you are going to vote someone off, you should be ashamed if you even consider voting for either of those two.

(The Killer Bass are stunned by Edd's speech and, silently, they head out for the campfire ceremony.)

* * *

**Courage: I really don't know who to vote for. I kinda wanna vote for Eddy.**

**Ed: It was really brave of Double D to stand up for me like that. I sure am lucky to have a friend like him.**

**Eddy: Sockhead has some nerve calling me out like that! Oh crap, my nose is bleeding again. (Eddy clutches his bruised nose from where Sarah punched him.) Oww.**

**Rolf: Rolf admires Double D ed boy taking up for the confused nincompoop ed boy. Rolf will remember this act of courage.**

* * *

(The Killer Bass are seated around the camp fire. Tony walks up with a tray of 10 marshmallows.)

Tony: I have on my tray ten marshmallows but alas, 11 campers. When I call your name, come up ad claim your mallow.

Courage.

Rolf.

Chowder.

Mung.

Flapjack.

K'nuckles.

Fred Fredburger.

Waffle.

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Ed.

(Ed claims his marshmallow and only Edd and Eddy are left.)

Tony: Well, well, well. It's come down to the two Ed's.

Eddy: Just shut up and get it over with!

Tony: Hey, take it easy, this is the kinda thing that draws ratings.

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And the last marshmallow.

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(Close up of Edd fidgeting with his fingers.)

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(Close up of Eddy biting his nails.)

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Edd.

Edd: Phew. What a relief I-, Oh, I'm sorry Eddy.

Tony: Take it like a sport Eddy.

Eddy: Why you no good little-, when I get my hands on you! (Eddy is hauled away by Chef Eustace and thrown onto the boat.)

Ed: Send me a postcard Eddy!

* * *

Tony: Will the Toxic Rats capitalize on their recent victory, will the Killer Bass regroup, find out next time on

Total!

Drama!

Island!


End file.
